1. Story 1: A Lesson in Geometry
2. Story 2: The Exploded Frog
3. Story 3: Golden Stone-pot
4. Story 4: Yes, No, Very Good
5. Story 5: Honey and the Foolish Bumblebee
6. Story 6: Seeing the Sun at Night
7. Story 7: Family for the Gita
8. Story 8: "There Runs a Thief"
9. Story 9: "All Glories to Balam Rice and Cow Ghee!"
10. Story 10: Lalu and Kalu
11. Story 11: Rowing Along the Wind
12. Story 12: Kite Play from an Unwalled Roof
13. Story 13: Physician's Knife
14. Story 14: "Kastvam, Khastvam"
15. Story 15: A Frog's Half-rupee Coin
16. Story 16: Prudence of a Woodcutter
17. Story 17: The Boatman's Dreaming
18. Story 18: Any Pleasure and Sacrifice in Devotion?
19. Story 19: Naked Penco
20. Story 20: The Wise Old Monkey
21. Story 21: Cracking Nuts with a Saligram
22. Story 22: Dr. Frog's Thesis
23. Story 23: Fisticuffs to the Sky
24. Story 24: Half-young and Half-old Fallacy
25. Story 25: Mercy for the Earnest Only
26. Story 26: Popcorn Bondage
27. Story 27: Fallacy of Custom
28. Story 28: Blind Following Fallacy
29. Story 29: The Blind Man and the Elephant
30. Story 30: Blind Man Led by a Cow's Tail
31. Story 31: The Right Whip for the Right Dog
32. Story 32: The Ancestral Draw-well
33. Story 33: "B-B", "M-A"
34. Story 34: "Who's in the Deity Room?" --I Didn't Steal Banana!"
35. Story 35: How Bhagavan Became a Ghost
36. Story 36: "I'll Cross When the River is Dry"
37. Story 37: Safety in Swimming
38. Story 38: Garbage In, Garbage Out
39. Story 39: Blacksmith and Potter
40. Story 40: The Idiot Gardener and the Silly Pandit
41. Story 41: "Open the Door to get Light on Your Floor!"
42. Story 42: How Often does a Shaved Head Visit a Wood-apple Tree?
43. Story 43: Broken-cot Renunciation
44. Story 44: The Flying Popcorn Offering
45. Story 45: Spitting Upward
46. Story 46: Cutting One's Own Nose to Spoil Another's Journey
47. Story 47: Hellish Pandemonium
48. Story 48: Doing Sums for Teacher
49. Story 49: Golden, Silver and Iron Shackles




Story 1: A Lesson in Geometry

A poor widow was trying to educate her young son despite their meager existence, for he was her only future. By borrowing money she had managed to send him through grammar school. Now she hired a tutor to teach her boy higher studies.

The teacher began with a lesson in geometry. From the next room the mother heard him say to her son, "Let ABC be a triangle.."

Very upset, the woman burst in and stopped the man. She then upbraided him, crying, "You are wasting my time and money! I demand that you leave my house and never return." The tutor, shocked, asked why.

"You advertise yourself as a teacher of higher studies, but you are only giving lessons on ABC. My boy learned his ABCs long ago. Now go! You are fit only for teaching primary school." Seeing that the woman was adamant, the man quietly left.

Similarly, materialists attempt to denigrate the teachings of bhakti by arguing that the root of human ills is servitude. They aspire to become masters of this world, and cannot understand why they must revert to servitude even after liberation. Servitude is the condition of ignorance and illusion, they believe. Bhakti is the cultivation of a slave mentality that is unworthy of human aspirations. Liberation means the end of service and the realization that I am Brahman.

But devotees know that devotion or service is the eternal function of all living beings. But realization of eternality through service must be cultivated in stages known as sadhana bhakti, bhava bhakti and prema bhakti. This advancement of devotional consciousness may be compared with advancement in the use of the alphabet. Just as it is that from grade school to post-graduate studies the alphabet remains the basic medium of all learning, so from sadhana to prema bhakti yoga, service remains the medium of progress in God consciousness.

The proposal of the impersonalist, that at the higher stage service is dispensed with, is comparable to a student's rejecting the alphabet upon his graduation from the upper class. For a man to go through years of education only to renounce reading and writing the alpabet at the end would be ludicrous. In the same way, impersonalists who reject devotion at the last stage make a mockery of the whole path of spiritual advancement given in the Vedic scriptures.



Story 2: The Exploded Frog

The little son of a fat mother frog came hopping home to the pond in great excitement.

"Mother, today I saw something wonderful!" he announced excitedly.

Mother, who had been dozing in the sun on a big lily leaf, opened her eyes and with only faint interest asked, "What was that, son?"

"Oh, it was such a huge animal--so big it is difficult to describe!"

Mother chuckled indulgently. "And how big would you say it was, little fellow?"

The child-frog's eyes widened with innocent wonder. "Till today, Mother, you were the biggest creature I'd ever seen. But this animal was much, much bigger than you!"

Mother became a little indignant at this comparison. She puffed up her throat and asked, "Was the creature you saw as big as I am now?"

"Mother, much bigger!"

She puffed herself up even more. "What it so big?"

"Mother, much much bigger!"

"This big?"

And so the mother frog kept inflating her body more and more, while the baby continued to cry, "Bigger, Mother, bigger!" Finally the poor mother frog burst with a bang.

Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Gosvami used to say inconnection to this story, "It is better to be a good one than a big one." Thinking oneself to be big--even in spiritual pursuits--is the cause of falldown. "I am Brahman", "I am siddha", "I am self-realized", "I am a pundit", even "I am a Vaisnava" are all egotistical ascertains. Rather, the serious aspirant for spiritual advancement should realize himself as an insignificant particle of dust under the lotus feet of his spiritual master and the Vaisnavas.



Story 3: Golden Stone-pot

A wealthy landlord called upon a goldsmith in his village and, handing him a lump of pure gold, said, "I want you to make a nice pot with this amount of gold. But don't you dare corrupt this gold by mixing in another metal just to steal the excess!" Bowing and scraping, the goldsmith readily agreed and took the gold into his workshop.

He was sorely tempted by the great wealth that would fall into his hands if he just found a way to cheat the landlord. Sitting at his workbench, he thought to himself, "That man will immediately recognize gold alloy. He'll have me arrested, flogged and probably killed if I attempt to trick him in that way. But there must be another way to do it." Suddenly a plan that he was sure was foolproof popped into his head.

A few days later the goldsmith delivered a gold-plated stone pot to the landlord. The rich man's eyebrows rose high in astonishment when he saw it. "Now what is that?" he demanded.

The goldsmith replied, "My lord, this is the golden pot you ordered."

The landlord stared at the goldsmith in amazement that was turning to anger. "Are you joking with me? Anyone can see that this is a stone-pot with a gold plating on it!"

The goldsmith shook his head and grinned. "Oh no, my lord. I have made you a gold pot fashioned after a stone-pot. It is a golden stone-pot!"

The moral is that just as it is a mockery to claim that one has made a golden stone-pot, or a mango-cake of jackfruit, it is a mockery to speak of brahmana Vaisnava, sudra Vaisnava, candala Vaisnava, yavana Vaisnava or Hindu Vaisnava. Either one is a Vaisnava or he has some other designation according to Varnasrama considerations. But when one is accepted as a Vaisnava, then mundane classifications simply do not apply.



Story 4: Yes, No, Very Good

A villager picked up a little English by overhearing others speak in that language. He memorized the words he heard most often: "Yes", "No" and "Very good." Though he did not understand the meaning of these words, he liked to use them in his speech because it made him appear erudite. People gave him respect as soon as t ey heard him uttering English words.

A murder was committed in the village. During the police investigation, the villagers were questioned one by one. When our dabbler in English was brought before the chief of criminal investigation, he thought he would impress him by demonstrating the few English words he knew. The detective was an imposing man and saw little need to waste time on niceties with country yokels, so he asked (in Bengali), "Did you commit this murder?"

"Yes", replied the villager proudly.

"Did you have help in this crime from anyone else?" the detective asked again.

"No", came the prompt reply.

"You are under arrest. Handcuff him and take him to jail."

As the police closed in around him, the villager excitedly protested: "Very good! Very good!"

This story illustrates the foolishness of persons who pretend, without qualification, to be authorities in bhakti and who parrot stock phrases from the scriptures about which they have no factual realization. Despite their self-satisfied babbling of pious platitudes, they suffer imprisonment in the merciless clutches of illusion.



Story 5: Honey and the Foolish Bumblebee

Once a silly bumblebee flew up to a clear glass jar of honey. "Wonderful!" he exclaimed to himself. "All that honey now I shall enjoy it." Again and again the bee licked the glass, but tasted not a drop of honey. But so much was he in the illusion of being the enjoyer that he finally alighted upon the top of the jar and proclaimed to the other bees buzzing around, "This honey is incomparably delicious!"

Similarly, materialistic persons sometimes try to become the enjoyers of Krsna-bhakti. They chant and dance with great vigor and recite the poems of Candidas and Vidyapati with showy emotions. But the true taste of pure devotion remains unknown to them. They remain captivated by lust for physical gratification.

Another explanation of this example is that it shows the foolishness of the enemies of Vaisnavism. Ravana, the enemy of Rama, tried to capture Sita, but all he got was an illusiory shadow of Sita. There was a brahmana named Kalapahadh who converted to Islam; he was a famous breaker of temples and destroyer of Deities. Just as the bee thought that by tasting the glass he had tasted the honey, so this person thought that by breaking the Deity he had broken the God of the Hindus. But this can be compared to the tearing up of a map of India only a fool thinks, "Now India is finished!"



Story 6: Seeing the Sun at Night

A wealthy landlord was known for his fanciful whims; thus he was surrounded by sycophants who stood ready (in hopes of reward) to help him fulfill even the most silly and unrealistic wish.

One evening the landlord gazed at the new moon sky and wondered aloud, "Is there a way to see the sun on a dark night like tonight?"

One of his "loyal" flatterers spoke up instantly. "When you our lord desires, it must be fulfilled. Certainly the world will resound all the more with your glories when this visionary undertaking is accomplished. I shall return in a moment with the means by which your desire may be fulfilled." He scampered off and returned a few minutes later with a huge oil lantern. Lighting it with a flourish, he held it up high.

"Please have a look into the sky now, my lord. Can you now see the sun with the aid of this bright flame?"

Two crafty fellows among the landlord's good-for-nothing associates saw their chance. "Ah, put down that lamp, you fool," they cried. "You mock our lord's intelligence. That lantern is too weak to reveal the sun on such a night as this. But we have access to a powerful searchlight mounted on a truck. Give us time, oh lord and we shall return with it and satisfy your sublime desire." Getting the landowner's nod, they rushed off.

Some time later they returned in a flatbed truck that had a big searchlight and generator mounted on the back. Revving up the generator motor, they flashed a powerful beam of light into the dark firmament above and played it about. "Just tell us, master, when you catch a glimpse of the sun and we shall focus this light upon it", they called to the landlord.

Then a new voice spoke, one of a real well-wisher of the landlord. "All the artificial light in the whole world will not help you see the sun, my friend. It is by the power of the sunshine alone than the sun becomes visible. Don't waste your time in these useless attempts."

And the same is true of the attempt to understand the Supreme Lord. If that attempt is by some artificial power, it will come to no use at all. God reveals Himself to us by His own power which manifests through Guru and Vaisnava.



Story 7: Family for the Gita

Once a renounced spiritual master presented his neophyte disciple with a copy of the Bhagavad-gita, instructing him to study the book all the time. The disciple, eager to imitate the advanced status of his guru, entered a cave in the Vindhya hill and there read the gita day and night.

Now, while the disciple took rest, a mouse who lived in the cave nibbled at the pages of the holy book, leaving the edges ragged. The disciple was very upset about this. He went down the hillside to a village and found a kitten, which he brought back to the cave to deal with the mouse.

But the kitten required milk. So the disciple managed to find a pious farmer who willingly parted with one cow. Next the would-be renunciate constructed a cow-shed with materials that he begged from here and there and laboriously dragged up the hillside.

Even after building the shed, the disciple found it too difficult to maintain the cow alone. At last he found a young villager who was willing--simply for three meals a day--to tend the cow.

But now the aspiring anchorite was faced with the duty of cooking thrice daily for the cowherd as well as preparing his own meals. This meant he had to visit the village at least once a day to beg sufficient foodstuffs and firewood and then bring it all up to the cave. The villagers were less supportive now that his possessions had increased. One of them even mocked the disciple, saying, "You've become a busy householder. Why do you persist in this charade of renunciation? Get married and work like the rest of us!"

Finding it impossible to meet his requirements otherwise, the disciple did just that. As his family grew, so did his needs until at last he lived in a comfortable villa on a large tract of land as the owner of many animals and the employer of many servants.

After the guru became aware that his disciple had abandoned the cave, he traced him to his new home and was astonished to find him amidst all the trappings of worldly existence. "Now what does all this mean?" he demanded of his disciple.

"Oh Divine Master," came the reply, "this, my family and property, is for the gita study you ordered."

The scriptures enjoin: yaavannirvaaha pratigraha--"accept only that which is essential for serving the Lord." This means that a devotee centers his life's needs around Krsna and not around himself. He is concerned neither with excessive gain or excessive renunciation. Indeed, if an aspirant on the spiritual path becomes selfishly inclined even in the matter of renunciation--i.e. his vanity is displayed in his show of detachment from the world--that selfishness is very liable to mislead him into accumulating excessive material possessions in the name of maintaining his spiritual life. Another way that material attachment creeps into the life of a renunciate is through attraction to material knowledge. If pride is fostered through mastery of the scriptures and through philosophical erudition, that knowledge is only material and will result in the falldown of the student into material entanglement.



Story 8: "There Runs the Thief!"

A village was plagued by thievery. Things would disappear from houses in the night, and though careful guard was kept and the alarm was raised whenever something went missing, the thief always managed to escape detection.

At last the village headman called in all those who'd been burgled and interviewed each in confidence. He discovered that in each case, as soon as the alarm was raised, a certain fellow was always nearby who joined very eagerly in the hunt for the thief. Suspicious of this coincidence, the headman advised the night watchman to keep this person under special surveillance.

One night the watchman spied the suspect sneaking out of his house at about 2:00 AM with a tool in his hand. Following him surreptitiously, the watchman saw this man use the tool to pry open the bamboo wall of a neighbor's house and then enter it. After some moments there was shouting from in the house: "Thief! Thief!" The suspect hurried out through the broken wall carrying booty and entered the jungle. Meanwhile a crowd of outraged villagers gathered in front of the house to listen to the burgled householder's tale of woe. The watchman observed how the suspect stealthily came out of the jungle and entered the crowd to join in the general hue and cry for the capture and punishment of the thief.

The crowd began milling about in an effort to find the culprit. Just then the watchman stepped forward and seized the man he'd been spying upon. "This is the thief!" he announced loudly.

Many in the crowd protested the arrest. "You fool!" they shouted at the watchman, "He's no thief! He's been with us the whole time!"

But the village headman appeared on the scene and quieted them. Receiving the watchman's report, the headman led the crowd to the jungle via the trail shown by the observant watchman. The suspect became visibly nervous as they entered the woods. "Why do you bring us all into this dangerous jungle at night?" he demanded of the headman. "No burglar is hiding here. This is highly irresponsible. What if some citizen is bitten by a snake?"

Many of the villagers now saw the suspect's nervous chatter as an indication of his guilt. But some still were swayed by his words and began to grumble: "Yes, while we thrash about out here the real thief is probably plundering our houses at this very moment."

But soon the watchman found the ornament box he'd seen the suspect carry from the burgled house. He held it up in triumph for all to see. Just as everyone's attention was fixed on the stolen property, the suspect broke free and ran back into the village on his way to the main road out of town. The furious crown surged after him. "Stop him! There runs the thief!" they cried out to the late arrivals at the scene of the crime and pointed to the suspect as he ran. But the cunning suspect also pointed to some innocent passersby ahead of himself and shouted, "Yes! Catch the thief! There he goes!" Confusing the entire village in this way, the burglar managed to escape in the night.

Tulsidas, the famous Hindi poet, has sung:

corko chode sadhko bandhe
pathikko lagaoe phansi--
dhanya kalijug teri tamasa
duhkh lage aor hasi

"The real thief is set free, and the sadhu is handcuffed, while the passerby is hanged--all glories to Kali Yuga! Such is your great joke that it generates both pity and laughter at the same time."

In this age of confusion, rascals disguise themselves as saints and plunder the foolish populace, while at the same time accusing the real sadhus of being cheaters. These rascals use the wealth turned over to them by fools for their personal sense gratification, but they cleverly convince others that their sense gratification is divine and for everyone's benefit. They ridicule the devotees use of money in the service of Krsna (especially for the building of temples and the worship of the Deity) as being a criminal waste. Such rascal leaders of religions and welfare organizations are like the thief who escapes in the night by accusing the innocent.



Story 9: "All Glories to Balam Rice and Cow Ghee"

One landlord was having difficulty keeping house-servants. After a few days of work, they would leave his employ. He was ever having to search out new help; his household was thus never properly managed.

He mentioned this problem to a friend of his. "Why is it so difficult for me to keep even one steady servant at home?"

His friend replied, "Take my advice and your next servant will cling to his job even if you want to get rid of him. See, you've got to feed these people well. Feed him fine Balam rice with cow's ghee twice a day. After six months of this diet that servant will be unable to leave your employment, even if you overwork him."

The landlord followed his friend's advice. After six months of feeding his servant Balam rice and cow's ghee, he increased his work load. The servant became unhappy and complained, but the landlord kept up his demands. Finally the servant left. But within a day he had returned. He'd gone around looking for other employment, but found no one who served Balam rice and cow's ghee to the household help. Having grown too attached to this diet, the servant, though he tried to abandon the landlord several times, was always forced to relent and return to his duty.

When the landlord again met his friend after having tested his advice, he rejoiced "All glories to Balam rice and cow ghee!"

This story illustrates a preaching strategy used by spiritual masters of the Krsna consciousness movement. Hardly anyone wants to render selfless service to the Supreme Lord. Everyone is attracted to material gain, position, reputation, religion, wealth, fruitive work or liberation. These goals constitute the basis of almost everyone's work in this world. Therefore genuine spiritual masters manage the Krsna consciousness movement in such a way that neophyte devotees get "Balam rice and cows ghee" daily. Thus the aspiring Vaisnavas become satisfied and more willing to engage themselves in Krsna's service. Balam rice and cows ghee actually symbolize the position, honor and reputation that a spiritual master bestows upon neophyte devotees who render service pleasing to Sri Sri Guru and Gauranga.



Story 10: Lalu and Kalu

A grocer had two sons named Lalu and Kalu. He wanted them to be trained in the use of weights and measurements so that they'd be of help to him in his business. And so he hired a tutor to educate them. But these boys were incorrigibly naughty, and the tutor quit in disgust. So the grocer hired another—with the same result. And another, who fared no better that his predecessors.

Finally the grocer announced that the tutor who could just accomplish two things with his boys--that they learn to count to one hundred and they quit the bad habit of smoking that they'd developed at an early age--would be given one half of his business assets.

An elderly and experienced brahmin volunteered to the challenge. The father arranged that the boys would remain always in the teacher's sight. The brahmin then took the boys for a walk. He pointed out a cow to them and asked Lalu, "Can you tell me how many legs that cow has?"

Lalu replied, "Surely" and began to count: "One, two, three.."

Just then Kalu put his hand over Lalu's mouth. "Brother!" Kalu cried. "Now stop! That crafty brahmin is just trying to teach you how to count! So Lalu became silent.

After more such futile efforts at teaching them numbers, the old brahmin finally decided it was time for recess. So he led them to a room where they all might rest. The two boys immediately laid themselves down and feigned sleep, snoring loudly. The brahmin thought, "Now that these two young rascals are asleep, I may also safely sleep." He happily took a nap, being tired from minding the grocer's sons all day.

When Lalu and Kalu were sure their teacher was asleep, they rose and started smoking. After a while they saw the brahmin stirring, so they again pretended to sleep. When the brahmin sat up he immediately smelled cigarette smoke in the room. He shook the boys; they pretended to be groggy and yawned.

"You bad boys!" he chastised them. "You've been smoking in here. The rooms stinks of cigarettes."

“What? Oh, no sir, we know nothing about this."

The teacher took their hands and smelled them. "See here, boys, your fingers reek of tobacco smoke. What's your explanation?"

In unison Lalu and Kalu exclaimed, "Oh, sir, we were sound asleep and don't know how this smell came to our hands. Probably some stranger entered this room as we all napped and smoked using our fingers to hold the cigarettes!"

Similarly, those who are determined not to accept training in spiritual life go to the most illogical extremes in defending a life of sense gratification. Even if they get the association of a saintly teacher, they expertly avoid being changed by him. And when he points out their faults, they say that they've done nothing wrong, it was someone else.



Story 11: Rowing Along the Wind

A rich landlord had a flattering servant, a "yes man" who was always most deferential to his master only because he desired reward.

The master asked the servant one day, "What is your opinion of potatoes?"

The servant was hesitant in his reply. "Oh, my dear sir, I suppose I've never thought about potatoes much, really. But it would be most edifying for me to hear your opinion of potatoes."

The landlord said, "Well, as far as I have experienced, the potato is the most delicious of all the vegetables one can get at the market."

But even before the words had left the landlord's mouth, his yes man was already praising potatoes to the sky: "Oh yes, yes my lord, it's true, potatoes are the best, the absolute best vegetable in the marketplace. Really delicious! Excellently delicious, pleasantly delicious, highly tasteful and dainty. It is said:' "this round potato--boil it in rice, boil it in water, fry it in ghee, mix it in curry, put it in soup or salad, or make a pickle from it, or serve it with sauce, or make it into kofta-- whatever recipe you may choose, this round potato is omnipresent.' Is there any other vegetable comparable to it? None whatsoever. The potato is second to none--unparalleled!"

The landlord then observed, "What you say is all very well, but as much as we might like them, potatoes do tax our health if we eat them too often. It's a rather passionate kind of vegetable."

"Oh yes, yes, yes, how true, how true", the servant spoke up immediately. "It is really a passionately passionate vegetable. Causes the body to heat up, it does, excessively passionate. Very difficult to cool it down. Oh, and what health problems it will cause if we're not careful. Flatulence, cholera, diarrhea, diabetes, phthisis--all these spring from that round potato!"

The landlord put another question to the servant. "Tell me, what do you think about eggplant?"

The servant folded his hands humbly and replied, "My lord, I was just thinking of asking you the same question. Let me hear your opinion first, please. How is the eggplant?"

“Well, I have nothing bad to say at all about it. The eggplant is a nice vegetable, as far as I know."

"Oh, that's true, true, true! So true! Even if you just look at it, you see immediately that the eggplant is the most beautiful of vegetables. And it makes a complete meal! If we get two pieces of fried eggplant on our plate, what else do we need? It tastes better than butter. If a man had nothing at all in his pantry except one eggplant, he'd still be considered by others as well off! You can roast it, fry it, cook it in curry, make chutney out of it--whatever way you like, eggplant proves itself extraordinary among vegetables. And among the different kinds of eggplants, the laaphaa eggplant stands out as supreme.

It is an excellent creation of the Supreme Lord."

The landlord then added, "All that may be true enough, but eggplants are not very nutritious."

"Phew!" exclaimed the yes man. "And that's why it is called vegun, because ve (no) gun (quality), it has no qualification at all as nourishment. Simply like cow dung, like cow dung--even cow dung has some potential value, but vegun, that eggplant has no value whatsoever. It is troublesome, most troublesome! It makes the mouth itch worse than wild turnip or esculant root! Not only that, eggplant brings bad luck! That's why it should be roasted before serving."

The landlord retorted, "I see you are a very strange fellow. When I say, 'potato is good', you elaborate, and ‘potato is very good.' And when I say, 'potato is bad', you plead that it is very, very bad. When I say, 'eggplant is good', you glorify it to the heavens. But if I then say, 'eggplant is bad', you reject it from the category of foodstuffs. Don't you posses any personal integrity?"

Bowing and scraping, the servant replied with this torrent of deference: "Oh my lord! Please have mercy and condone my offenses. Now I'll speak the truth. Lord, I am not the servant of a potato. I am not the servant of an eggplant. I am your servant! So whatever you say, I must say likewise. A potato will not provide me with an earning, and an eggplant will not give me work that I may have a purpose to my life. I am only your servant, so your your voice should be my voice."

This story illustrates the attitude of a class of pseudo- religionists called the syncretists. Syncretists are impersonalists who adhere to no particular devotional practice or philosophy. They are ready to pay lip service to the tenets of any and all religions should it suit their purposes of garnering acclaim in society. They can hop, skip and jump from mouthing the teachings of Caitanya Mahaprabhu to Sankaracarya, Kapila,

Mahavir, Kumarila Bhatta, etc. And they will finally conclude that "all taught the same truth." It makes no difference to the syncretist that one doctrine is atheistic and another is theistic. It makes no different that Krsna has declared that all dharmas are to be rejected by His devotee. The syncretist, like the landlord's yes man, performs the most amazing verbal acrobatics in order to show himself a pious follower of all the world's scriptures and teachers. But his real purpose, like the yes man, is to simply insure his material prosperity through flattery.



Story 12: Kite-play from an Unwalled Roof

foolish boy was flying a kite to his heart's content upon an unwalled rooftop. So engrossed was he in the fun that he was totally oblivious to his surroundings. A man passing by on the street below looked up to see the boy standing right on the edge of the roof, one foot dangling out into space as he reeled in and let out the string of his kite-spool.

The man, who was good-hearted and had a strong sense of social responsibility, rushed up the stairway to the roof of the building, dragged the boy away from the precipice and snatched the kite-spool from his hands.

The boy, who had been so close to serious injury or death, was outraged. "You trespasser!" he shouted. "What right do you have to barge up here and spoil all my fun! Hey, give me my kite back! I'll tell my parents! They'll call the police on you!"

The kind-hearted man simply endured the boy's tantrum with a smile and led him down from the rooftop.

Similarly, a truly benevolent friend of the human race points out the dangerous game society is playing by its thoughtless indulgence in animalistic sense gratification, which spoils the whole human purpose. But the thanks he gets from a vast section of the populace may be compared to the reaction of the boy whose dangerous rooftop kite-play was abruptly halted.



Story 13: Physician's Knife

Amar was a boy of the village. He'd been suffering intensely from a boil on his back. Around him, friends and relatives tried to alleviate his pain in different ways. His mother waved a hand-fan upon the swollen boil, and sometime she blowed upon it orally. A neighbor suggested that Amar be given an anaesthetic to relieve his pain. Still another person said Amar should be killed, because while living he suffered so much, but when dead he'd not feel the pain of the boil. But the father, not appreciating these half and half-witted measures, called a doctor.

After examining the boy, the doctor prescribed an operation. Mother began weeping. Others protested: "This could be very dangerous!" And Amar, who had grown delirious from the pain, shouted "You rascal, you've come here to kill me! Stick that knife in your own body, murderer! Go home and kill your own son!" But with the help of the father, the doctor performed the surgery. After a short time, the swelling and pain decreased; within a few days, Amar was completely cured.

This story has a similar purport as does the one about kite flying. The spiritual master must cut the bonds of attachment in the heart of his disciple, and this is not appreciated by worldly society. It may even be unappreciated by the disciple himself. Relatives are heart-broken, though their measures to alleviate material distress may be compared to blowing on a boil. Some persons say material distress should be ignored altogether byanaesthetizing ourselves through fanciful philosophy, entertainment, intoxication, etc. And impersonalists say the problem is personality itself. But the saintly Vaisnavas never heed this misguidance. Instead they administer the real cure and affect the real good for the living entity.



Story 14: "Kastvam, Khastvam"

A village was predominated by a proud pandit named Dada Thakura who, in spite of his brahminical heritage, was an unlettered fool. But it had been the custom for many generations for the villagers to respect the male members of Dada Thakura's family as great learned authorities.

There was one villager who was a little more experienced in life than the others. He grew tired of seeing Dada Thakura's fumbling rituals and hearing his inaccurate recitation of mantras. He grew tired of seeing him collect money from superstitious simpletons who blindly believed that this, their village pandit, was one of the great sages of all time. Finally this gentleman decided to invite a truly erudite brahmana to hold a public discourse.

When the news that a pandit with the title "Shastri" (learned in the Vedic scriptures) would soon visit spread around the village, Dada Thakura's family became alarmed. "What will become of us all", they lamented, "if this new pandit wins away this village from us? How will we live?"

Dada Thakura called his kinsmen and the important men of the village together. "Have no fear," he assured them all. "Our village traditions are safe. As soon as that pandit arrives, you village leaders usher him here to me. I will speak with him in Sanskrit, and all of you will see who is truly learned.

And so on the appointed day the visiting pandit was brought to the house of Dada Thakura, where a high pedestal had been erected. The thakura sat atop it on a plush seat. Seeing this, and having been informed that Dada Thakura wished to converse in Sanskrit, the pandit addressed him by stating, "Kastvam?", which means, "Who are you?"

In reply Dada Thakura thundered, "Khastvam gastvam ghastvam mastvam castvam chastvam jastvam jhastvam nastvam tastvam thastvam dastvam dhastvam ksatvam!"

The visiting pandit was aghast at this display of blatant foolishness. He instantly feared his reputation; he might become a laughingstock if it became known that he had visited this village and had mixed with such a crazy fellow as sat upon the high throne. Without a further word the pandit offered his pranams to everyone present and turned to leave.

The Thakura's family and the onlooking villagers laughed and cheered their great Dadaji. "Our Dada Thakura is such a great pandit that this Shastri could not even open his mouth before him. Did you hear how Dadaji spoke Sanskrit? Who in the whole world could stand before him?"

Persons who are very determined to cling to material existence similarly answer the questions "kastvam?" or "Who are you?" with a meaningless barrage of pseudo-science and pseudo-philosophy which is just meant to hide the real answer: that we are eternal servants of Sri Krsna. They are praised by fools and avoided by the truly learned.



Story 15: A Frog's Half-rupee Coin

It so happened that a frog found a half-rupee coin at the bottom of his pond. He seized it and thought, "Is there anyone who is as rich as I am now? So now I shall claim what is rightfully mine. This pond belongs to me alone!" Clutching the half-rupee coin tightly, the frog sat in the middle of a landing which was used by the king's elephant when he visited the pond to drink and bathe.

Soon the royal elephant-keeper lead the king's own tusker to the landing. The frog puffed himself up and held up the half-rupee coin. He shouted, "Halt and turn back, you fat fool! I am the lord of this pond, and you are henceforward forbidden to set foot here"

Without paying attention to him, the elephant set his foot upon that frog's body, crushed him flat and entered the pond for his bath.

And so the insignificant jiva declares himself lord and master of all he surveys on the strength of something that is really valueless. Wealth, power, fame, beauty, knowledge, artistic talent or any other gift of material nature is impermanent--so what value will the attainment of these have for the eternal spirit soul? How foolish we are to become puffed-up due to these "anarthas" (valueless acquisitions). And how foolish we are to declare the products of material nature (over which we have no control) to belong to us alone. His mind inflamed by the infections of "I" and "mine", the ignorant living entity rushes headlong to his death, thinking that he is so great that even death must give way.



Story 16: Prudence of a Woodcutter

A woodcutter decided to journey to the great Sundarban forest to collect a big load of wood. A friend warned him that the Sundarban is filled with wild animals. "You should not fail to take a weapon with you," his friend advised.

The woodcutter snorted, "I am an experienced woodsman. Your advice that I should take a weapon with me to the forest is like asking a man from Newcastle to bring a load of coal with him when he returns to his home city. The forest is filled with trees, and the trees possess hard and stout branches. If any beast comes to threaten me, I'll saw off a branch and use it to frighten him off."

And so, while the woodsman was in the midst of the Sundarban, a man-eating tiger gave him the opportunity to put into practice his boast. As the tiger bounded out of the underbrush, the woodsman flailed away at a branch of a tree with his saw. But he had hardly cut through the bark before the tiger seized him by the neck and killed him.

Yogis who hope to conquer their senses by the strength of their senses put themselves in exactly the same position as this unfortunate woodsman. While struggling to execute a posture or a breathing exercise, the yogi may at any moment be overwhelmed by an attack of six enemies: lust, anger, greed, illusion, pride andenvy.

On the other hand, a devotee subdues these dangerous enemies by turning them over to Krsna's control. Lust becomes subservient to the transcendental Kamadeva, anger is used against atheists, greed is directed to hearing about Krsna, illusion is transformed into infatuation for serving Krsna, pride becomes absorption in one's true identity (rather than the false identity of the body) and envy simply cannot remain, because a devotee is full of compassion to everyone.



Story 17: Boatman's Dreaming

A boatman used to earn his money by towing a barge up and down a canal. This he would do by walking along the canal-side pulling the barge behind him with a rope, stopping here and there to load or deliver goods.

As he went about his business, he would sometimes dream of what he would do if he managed to save a sum of money from his earnings. "I'd line the canal-side with soft, foamy foot cushions so that as I walked along, my feet would not trod on hard earth, pebbles, sharp thorns and so on."

This illustrates the root of anthropomorphism and zoomorphism, the projection of physical qualities upon the Divine. One who is very strongly attached to material life will conceive of God and the spiritual world as idealizations of material entities and experiences. The boatman thought that when he got his fortune he'd still be a boatman; only the conditions of his existence as a boatman would improve. Similarly, the attached materialist hopes that religion will improve his standard of life without altering the basic values held dear by materialists everywhere. Heaven, for a materialist, is a place of sense gratification far superior to earth--but if it is a place of sense gratification, then the basic consciousness of "I am an enjoyer of matter" remains unchanged. Even God is a but a materialist in the view of materialistic believers: He has no other lila than the creation of this material world and the provision of sense gratification for all creatures on earth and in heaven.



Story 18: Any Pleasure and Sacrifice in Devotion?

Some herons were standing next to a boggy pond. A swan happened to pass by. One of the herons asked the swan, "Why are your eyes, face and toes so reddish?"

The swan answered, "Well, I'm a swan."

The heron then asked, "Where do you come from?"

"From Lake Manasarovar," the swan replied.

"So, how's it like there?"

"Well, the water of that lake is like nectar. Golden lotus flowers grow in gardens on the surface of that lake, and all around are jewel-bedecked platforms on which beautiful trees and plants that bear exotic fruits and flowers grow."

The heron had a final question: "Are there big-sized snails?"

"No, we don't have any nails at Lake Manasarovar," was the swan's answer.

The herons exchanged mocking glances. "Damn, what a place you come from, friend," they ridiculed the swan. "If there are no snails at all, then we can't even consider it a lake! You'd never catch US going there!"

Similarly, people who label themselves as humanists, servants of mankind, philanthropists, etc. are curious to know if the Krsna consciousness movement engages in social and humanitarian works such as offering free medical services, distribution of food and water in regions stricken by famine and drought, handing out clothing to the needy, providing education for the illiterate, and so on. When they are told that none of these activities are considered by devotees to be very important, they fail to see any value whatsoever in Krsna consciousness.

These people are bereft of philosophical sense. They cannot or will not use their brains to trace out 1) what are the fundamental problems of life, 2) who is suffering from them, and 3) what is the root cause of these problems. Just a little reflection upon these themes will bring a philosophical person to the conclusion that the fundamental problems of life are birth, old age, disease and death. He will see that every living entity in the material world suffers from these problems--whether he is a welfare giver or welfare recipient. And finally, the root cause of these problems is the condition of having a physical body.

One who understands these basic facts of life can see that mundane welfare work yields no lasting solution to the fundamental problems of embodied existence. Feed someone today, he'll be hungry again tomorrow. Cure his sickness today; he'll be sick again next week. And finally he'll grow old and die no matter what material comforts are given him.

Krsna consciousness is aimed at solving our existential problems at their root by curing the bodily conception. It is a spiritual treatment of the soul's ills; it reveals to the practitioner that he or she is not a tormented, struggling lump of flesh, but an eternal person made of pure consciousness whose real function is not exploiting matter but serving the Supreme Transcendent Person, Krsna, of Whom we are all expansions.



Story 19: Naken Penco

There was once in a jungle village of Bengal a young lad named Pancanam. Because in these hots climes young boys run naked, he was given the nickname "Naked Penco."

As Penco grew up he showed himself to be a bright young fellow. He excelled in his studies, was well-behaved and in general became a great credit to his family. Penco became dear to almost everyone in the village, except for some few persons who had never been on good terms with his father. So whenever these persons heard someone praising the boy's scholastic accomplishments, they scoffed, "Oh, hang your naked Penco, who cares about his study anyway? Nothing will come of it, just wait and see. That whole family is good-for-nothing."

Penco graduated from high school with honors and entered a law college. When the news came back to the village that he passed his bar examination and would now become a legal attorney, his father's critics remarked, "Penco must have passed that examination by unfair means, there's no other explanation for this."

And when after some more years Penco was made District Judge, they simply refused to believe it until they were shown the announcement printed in the newspaper. Then they said, "Judge he may be, but is he working for salary, that's what we want to know. Surely nobody is going to pay him to be a judge, not naughty naken Penco."

And so persons steeped in the material outlook will persistently find fault with a person who takes to Vaisnava dharma. No matter what his spiritual accomplishments, they will fault him for his birth, family background, his former low station in society, and so on. This is like speaking ill of a judge's nakedness when he was a little boy.



Story 20: A Wise Old Monkey

In the courtyard of a king a pack of monkeys sported happily in the trees. Their leader was old and exceptionally wise.

Now, once the wise old monkey was reflecting upon the happenings in the courtyard. He observed that the sons of the king played there every day with pet lambs. These lambs would often enter the kitchen on one side of the courtyard and try to eat whatever they could find within. And the cooks would angrily chase them out, branishing whatever stick or utensil they could lay their hands on. Across from the kitchen, on the other side of the courtyard, was the horse stable where the king kept his favorite mounts. Whenever the king visited the stable, the old monkey could see how attached the king was to his horses.

After duly considering all he'd seen, the wise old monkey called the pack of monkeys together one day and urged them to leave the courtyard for good. But this time his instructions were not welcomed as they always had been in the past. "See here! Now the old fellow really goes too far!" a young bull monkey passionately proclaimed to his mates. "Our life here is good. There are plenty of scraps to eat, and because the princes are amused by us, the humans leave us in peace. In this royal courtyard we have no dangers from tigers, snakes and eagles as do the ordinary forest monkeys. Why on earth should we listen to this addle-headed raving about abandoning this paradise?"

"Now listen to me," the old one countered. "Those wooly lambs enter the kitchen almost every day and are driven out by the cooks who beat them with anything they can lay their hands on. One day the cooks will become so enraged they'll grab sticks from the fire and beat the lambs with those. The lambs' wool will then ignite, and they'll run helter-skelter around this courtyard in pain and terror. One or two at least are sure to enter the horse stables. The straw will catch fire, and the stables will burn. If after the flames are put out some of the king's precious horses are found to be suffering from burn injuries, that king will ask his salihotra (veterinarian) what the best cure for burns are. The salihotra will reply that monkey fat should be applied to the wounds. Then the king will order his men to catch every one of you, butcher you and extract the fat from your dead bodies."

The younger monkeys had a good laugh at this. "Sorry, old fellow," they scoffed, "but we think your oversized brain has finally aged to the point of senility. We will therefore from this day onwards reject your advice as worthless. Such fanciful notions! We cannot take you seriously any longer." Sadly, the old monkey took his leave from the pack and went to the forest to dwell.

But in time everything he predicted came to pass, and the whole pack of courtyard monkeys was mercilessly slaughtered for the curative powers of their fat.

This story illustrates how arrogant skeptics who refuse to heed the warnings of the pure servant of the Lord simply pave their own way to destruction. The instructions of the spiritual master are never to be estimated in material terms. One who does so commits a great offense and condemns himself to ruin.



Story 21: Cracking Nuts with a Saligram

A landlord engaged a professional priest to worship the family Saligram-sila. Daily he brought chestnuts to the priest that he might offer them to the Deity. The priest received the nuts, took them onto the altar and closed the door, and--as far as the landlord knew--offered them to Sri Saligram.

But what actually happened would have certainly shocked the landlord, could he but see behind the altar door. The priest picked up the Saligram stone and used it to smash the hard shells of the chestnuts. He then ate the nuts himself, leaving just enough to distribute to the landlord's family as "prasad."

This story illustrates the quality of the so-called devotion of those who take up the worship the Lord solely with the aim of enjoying facilities meant for the Lord. Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakur had especially the professional reciters of Srimad Bhagavatam in mind when he told this story. They attract women and wealth, prestige and followers to themselves by mouthing the sacred texts. But their purpose is far from sacred, however: they merely want to enjoy sense gratification.

Similarly, there are those who enter the Krsna consciousness movement with a few to enjoy the conveniences of temple life in return for a minimum of perfunctory service to the Deity, spiritual master, and devotees.

All such manifestations of self-interest in devotional service may be compared to cracking nuts with the Saligram-sila.



Story 22: Dr. Frog's Thesis

There was a well not far from the oceanside in which a frog had lived his whole life. Being foolish and proud, he considered the well to be his own property, and thought there was no better place for a frog to live. Indeed, the frog thought the well to be the whole world.

One day another frog happened to stumble into that well. The well-frog was surprised at this sudden visit of a strange frog from outer space. A discussion then ensued.

Well-frog: "Where do you come from?"

Visiting-frog: "From the oceanside."

W-f: "What is this, 'ocean'?"

V-f: "It is a vast body of water."

W-f: "Oh. Would you say it is up to half the size of my well?"

V-f: "Your well does not compare in any way to the size of the ocean. The ocean is unlimited."

The well-frog then gave a jump from one end of his well to the other. "See?" he said to the newcomer-frog. "I've just proven that nothing greater than this can exist."

The visiting frog's eyes bulged in astonishment. "You really believe that? I think you've been in this hole in the ground far too long. If you get out of here and see the ocean, then you'll know how insignificant your little well is in comparison."

The well-frog was irritated. "Why be so fanatical? I don't doubt that the ocean may be as large as my well. I'm not so narrow-minded as to declare my well to be the biggest body of water in all existence. Your boasting about the ocean is just unscientific. Look, I've just performed an experiment that demonstrates that nothing can be larger than this well. Now let's talk sense. There's water here, and there's water in your ocean. So certainly they must be of equal size. This is my strong conclusion. Give up this fanaticism and be reasonable."

There are scientists, philosophers and intellectuals everywhere who attempt to establish a standard of reality based upon their own limited powers of observation. All of them may be compared to Dr. Frog making his thesis on the maximum possible size of a body of water.



Story 23: Fisticuffs to the Sky

There was an upstart who developed a philosophy of protest against the rule of nature over the living entities. Once, while musing over his ideas he concluded that the sky caused the most problems of all features of nature, because from the sky came thunderstorms, lightning, hurricanes, tornados, hail, sleet and snow. In a sudden frenzy this man jumped from his seat and violently punched the air above his head again and again. For a time he hopped about, flailing away at the sky with his fists while cursing, "Rascal sky! Take this! Take that!" until he fell exhausted to earth, his arms sprained and aching. The sky, needless to say, remained unperturbed at this poor fellow's assault.

Once in a while an individual appears who is convinced that the Hare Krsna movement is the harbinger of all ills in human society. He makes it his mission in life to oppose Krsna consciousness on all fronts, even at the risk of making himself look ridiculous. The efforts of such persons may be compared to the efforts of the wild philosopher to teach the sky a lesson with the use of fists.

Story 24: Half-young and Half-old Fallacy

A very poor non-Hindu brought a hen to market to sell. He had no experience in bazaar salesmanship, but he observed that the more aged rice, tamarind and ghee was, the bigger price it fetched. Thinking that older goods must be somehow always be more costly, he thought he should advertise his hen as being very, very old. And although he was careful to inform every prospective customer of the dozens of winters this hen had seen, not one of them showed any interest in purchasing the bird once they heard this.

One year passed and the poor man had not yet found a buyer. Finally a friend advised him that people were not interested in buying old hens, though they might like old rice. Hens were sold only when advertised as young.

The poor man thought to himself, "What a fine fix I've put myself in! I've told everyone for one year straight that this hen is the great-great-great grandmother of great flocks of chickens. Now if I turn around and say she's a young virgin, hardly out of the egg herself, they'll laugh."

So when he appeared in the bazaar on the next marketing day, he told everyone that his hen was half-old and half-young. Then they really did have a laugh. And again he found no customers.

This story may be used to illustrate the philosophy of the semi-personalists like Citsukhananda who claim that when Brahman appears on earth, He does not assume a physical body but reveals a spiritual form. However, when He returns to the spiritual sky, He resumes His original impersonal formless feature.

There are also mixed-up Gaudiya devotees of Lord Caitanya who will not worship Lord Nityananda, and vice versa. And there are those who worship Guru without Gouranga, Gouranga without Guru, or the Vaisnavas without Visnu, or Visnu without Vaisnavas.

The half-young, half-old fallacy applies to them as well.

Story 25: Mercy for the Earnest Only

Once a man fell into a deep well. There was no way for him to free himself. He shouted for help, and finally a kind-hearted passerby flung a rope down to him, telling him "Just hold tightly to this rope and I will pull you up."

The man shouted back, "Help me to hold the rope!"

The kind hearted passerby represents the spiritual master, who gives the means by which the conditioned soul may become free of material existence. But it is not that the conditioned soul should do nothing to free himself. He must strongly cling to the mercy of his spiritual master; only then can he be elevated. If, for instance, he thinks that he need not chant the Hare KrsnaMahamantra given by the spiritual master, that the spiritual master will chant it for him, then he can never get free of maya.

26 Story 26: Popcorn Bondage

A wretched beggar stood outside the entrance to a temple, supporting his emaciated body by embracing a pillar.

A gentleman approached the temple after having bathed in the Ganges. Seeing the ragged fellow clinging to the pillar outside, the gentleman felt compassionate and purchased some popcorn. He brought it to the poor man and offered it to him. Without relaxing his embrace from the pillar, the beggar opened his palms to receive the popcorn. The gentleman poured the popcorn into his palms, and because of the beggar's awkward stance, most of the popcorn fell from his fingers to the ground. But even though the beggar could retain a few kernels in his grip, he was unwilling to let go of the pillar to bring his hands to his face to eat.

And so the astonished gentleman left the beggar as he struggled vainly to bend his head around the pillar to his hands so that he could eat the popcorn.

The beggar represents the atheist who embraces the pillar of materialism very tightly. Thus even when the benediction of God comes to them, they are in too awkward a position to receive it.

Story 27: Fallacy of Custom

Each morning the brahmanas gathered on the bank of the holy Ganges and offered their prescribed prayers to the Lord. Each of them brought with him a copper vessel for offering water.

Unfortunately, because these copper vessels were indistinguishable from one another, they were always getting mixed up between brahmanas. So one old brahmana got into the habit of placing a lump of clay from the riverbank in his own vessel before taking bath. That way, when he returned, he'd be able to distinguish his offering cup from the rest.

But the other brahmanas thought that the placing of a clay ball in one's cup before taking bath must be an esoteric ritual. So not wanting to appear ignorant of the fine points of brahmincal observances, they all started placing clay balls in their cups before going for bath. Thus when the old brahmana came from the river, he again found it hard to locate his own copper vessel.

"Fie on these imitators!" he groaned as he examined the different vessels, trying to pick out his own. "Without understanding the reason for anything, they just follow blindly.

Despite their big learning and priestly positions in society, they have no common sense."

In today's world the practice of religion is quite often like this. Most people follow sectarian customs blindly without even thinking to ask why. For instance, it has become a custom in India to address the poor as Daridra-Narayana (poor Narayana), although this term is unheard of in the scriptural tradition, and is indeed an absurdity. Still, it is blindly accepted by many, many people as religious to worship a poor man in the street as being God.



Story 28: Blind-following Fallacy

This story, which is found in Sri Caitanya-caritamrta (about foolish persons who thought they saw Krsna dancing on the heads of the Kaliya serpent at night), illustrates a similar point as the previous story; but it is meant to specifically illustrate the blind acceptance of so-called incarnations who have no scriptural authority behind them and yet are accepted by masses of fools as being God.



Story 29: The Blind Men and the Elephant

This story is recounted in full in the document entitled "Philosophical Parables".



Story 30: The Blind Man and the Cow's Tail

A blind man was once trying to negotiate the path to his father-in-law's house with the help of only his walking stick. In a field nearby he heard a cowherd boy humming a tune to himself. The blind man hailed the boy and asked, "Kindly lead me to the house of my father-in-law. It is nearby, but I can't find the way myself."

The cowherd boy replied, "I'm very sorry, but if I leave this field to go with you, what will become of this herd of cows I'm tending here? There's one thing I can do for you--here, take the tail of this cow I'm handing you now. Her calf is at your father-in-law's house, so she will lead you there out of motherly affection for her young one."

But the cow became alarmed at the grip of the blind man on her tail and tried everything to shake him off. She dragged him over rough ground and through thorny brambles, and often gave him hard kicks with her hind legs. By the time he arrived at his father-in-laws house, the blind man's clothes had been ripped completely off of his body, and he was covered with scratches, bruises, blood and filth. As the house servants looked out the door to see who had come, he staggered forward, groaning in pain. They could not recognize him, and, taking him to be a cow rustler, gave him a sound beating and drove him from the premises.

This story illustrates the perils of accepting a bogus guru as one's guide in spiritual life.



Story 31: The Right Whip for the Right Dog

This expression, "the right whip for the right dog", derives from a verse spoken by Srila Sukadeva Gosvami in SB Canto 10, chapter 68, verse 31:

nunam nanamadonnaddhah

santim necchantyasadhavah

tesam hi prasamo dandah

pasunam lagno yatha

[Lord Balarama said] "Clearly the many passions of these scoundrels have made them so proud that they do not want peace. Then let them be pacified by physical punishment, as animals are with a stick."

This remark was made by the Lord when the Kauravas of Hastinapura greeted with derision His efforts to make peace between the Kaurava and the Yadu dynasties after Krsna's sonSambha was imprisoned for his attempt to kidnap Duryodhana's daughter Lakmana. Lord Balarama then decided to drag away the whole city of Hastinapura with His plow and dash it into the Ganges.

Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura comments, "People who have no respect for any good thing in this world usually turn a deaf ear to preaching. It is also offensive to offer good advice and preaching to them. They should be simply treated on the principle of 'right whip for the right dog.'"

In this connection, though a Vaisnava will tolerate any offense to himself, he does not stand idly by to hear criticism of his spiritual master and the Vaisnava community. Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura says it is "a true Vaisnava attitude that one becomes agitated at any criticism hurled against the spiritual master and the Vaisnava community." He points out that Mayavadis will tolerate any offense even to their own gurus because according to their philosophy, their gurus are just ordinary men.



Story 32: Ancestral Draw-well

A village pandit was very devoted to the memory of his departed father. He used to say, "The father is God incarnate. We are able to enjoy earthly pleasures by his mercy only. I do not accept any other deity except that of my father." The pandita's favorite verse was

pita svarga pita dharma

pita hi paramam tapa

pitari pritimapanna

priyante sarva devata

To chant the name of the father, to meditate on his image and to make offerings to the ancestors were this pandit's daily rituals.

Now, the land upon which the brahmana lived had been handed down to him from many generations. On this land was a draw-well that had been dug by his great-grandfather. In the past, the water from this well was the sweetest and clearest of all thewells in the village. But in recent years, at the time the pandit became the inheritor of his family's property and tradition, the well became extremely putrid and disease-ridden, unfit for human use. But because the pandit's father made it a rule to never take water from anywhere else except the ancestral well, the pandit was convinced he must follow suit. Thus he grew very ill, and because he insisted that his wife and sons stick to tradition also, they died one by one.

His neighbors urged him to dig a new well or use one of the many other wells in the village, or take water from the Ganges which flowed nearby. Adamantly, the brahmana refused. Finally the government stepped in. But when the health officials and workmen arrived at his house to seal up the well for good, he squatted over it in defiance and had to be forcibly dragged away from it.

Similarly, there are persons who refuse to change their religious traditions, even though they have become spoiled with age. An example is the tradition in India of kula-guru or family guru: a family will have a tradition that each of its current generation must accept initiation from a professional guru from a particular caste gosvami family. Thus spiritual instruction is not accepted on the basis of qualification, but family tradition. When in time the traditions decay, whole generations become degraded by following blindly the footsteps of their elders.



Story 33: "B-B", "M-A"

Two very lazy persons lived jointly in a room. One winter night the house they lived in caught fire. Their room soon was burning on all sides. One of the lazy persons, feeling extremeheat on his back, awoke. But he was too lazy to even open his eyes. He alerted his friend by merely saying "B-B", which stood for "Back Burning."

The other lazy man, not bothering to even open his eyes, said "M-A", for "Move Aside."

The first man moved around in the bed a little, but finding no comfort anywhere, said, "The night must be over and the sun must be up. How else could it be so hot? Look and see if you left a window open through which the sunshine is now burning my back."

The second man said, "Oh, too much bother. How can I open my eyes?"

And so the two lazy friends were roasted in the flames.

This story illustrates the plight of a person who, after taking to devotional service, succumbs to laziness and is caught in the fire of maya. Even though maya is consuming him from all sides, he does not make a real effort to save himself. In is blind slothfulness he supposes that his problems are not so bad and thus risks total ruination in spiritual life.



Story 34: "Who's in the Deity Room? - "I Didn't Take Banana!"

A wealthy landlord established a temple and arranged for elaborate worship and costly offerings. He engaged a priest whose character was not very good. The priest, now responsible for opulence far beyond his wildest dreams, thought, "So many valuable ornaments! So much nice foodstuff! And all I get is a measly monthly salary. I'd like to enjoy some of these facilities myself! But how? The temple is well-guarded. That landlord is very careful to collect all the mahaprasadam for distribution to his family and friends."

One day the landlord brought several bunches of first-class amrtasagar and agnisvar bananas to the priest. "Please offer these to the Lord at the noon worship," he instructed, "and send the whole lot over to my quarters. Some friends are visiting today and the banana-prasada will be reserved for them."

At noontime the landlord entered the temple, thinking that the Lord would be enjoying the bananas. He found the altar doors locked. This was unusual. Normally the curtains would be drawn for the offering, and then opened for the arati. Only when the Deity took rest was the door closed and locked. A little alarmed, the landlord called out, "Who's in the Deity room?" He heard the muffled voice of the pujari reply, "I didn't take banana!"

Indeed the priest was eating bananas on the altar. To insure that no-one would disturb him he had locked the altar doors, not expecting a visit from the landlord. He considered that the landlord surely hadn't counted the bananas and would not miss a few from each bunch. By his reply, he gave himself away to the landlord, who now knew exactly what he was up to.

This story illustrates the psychology of a person guilty of wrongful deeds--he is quick to deny having done wrong even before an accusation is leveled against him. Always expecting to be accused, he mistakes a harmless comment or inquiry for an accusation, and thus launches into an unnecessary defense that in itself makes clear what misdeeds he's perpetrated.



Story 35: How Bhagavan Became a Ghost

A certain learned pandit named Bhagavan was much favored by his king. This special royal patronage also earned him the envy of the king's regular ministers. These ministers hatched a curious plot to drive Bhagavan out of the land.

They informed the palace guards that the king no longer wished Bhagavan to set foot in his palace. And when the king grew anxious that Bhagavan had not come to see him that day, the ministers told him, "Oh, your Majesty, bad news—Panditji Bhagavan has died." They produced a falsified medical statement from the royal physician to this effect. The king was struck with a sense of great loss.

After a few days, the king went on a stroll in the palace garden. Bhagavan Pandit, who'd suspected intrigue and had been waiting for a chance to see the king, entered the garden to join the royal entourage. But the royal ministers deliberately formed such a tight knot around His Highness that it was impossible for him to come before him and be seen. So Bhagavan then climbed up a tree and yelled, "Oh king! Here I am, your loyal Bhagavan Pandit!"

But the ministers acted as if aghast, and said to the king in alarmed tones, "Your Majesty, look! There in the tree is the ghost of Bhagavan Pandit. Things have become very inauspicious here. Let us not remain, but return to the palace at once!"

Despite the pleas of the pandit, the king at once withdrew. The pandit dropped to the ground and sadly concluded that he indeed must have lost the favor of the king. He decided to leave the kingdom for good.

By a similar a intrigue have demons in human society stifled devotion to God; even a public expression of belief in God on the part of a leader of state is now looked upon as inauspicious, like the king's "vision" of the "ghost" of his old friend.



Story 36: "I'll Cross the River When It's Dry"

A young man named Kaminimohan lived in Nabadwip. He was very introverted, and didn't like to leave the confines of his own home. When a friend invited him to come with him to Mayapura Dhama and hear a lecture by a great personality on Krsna-bhakti, Kaminimohan was very reluctant to go. So the friend, eager to do Kaminimohan some spiritual good, devised a stratagem. He asked him to come with him to Kuliya, just across the Ganges river from Mayapura. At Kuliya a travelling amusment park had set up for a few days.

Kaminimohan, after a bit of persuading, went with his friend to the park where they had an afternoon of fun. Then the friendsaid, "We are just across the river from the sadhu's place, and he's lecturing soon. So let's just cross the river and see him and then return home.

Seeing his friend's determination, Kaminimohan decided not to directly refuse. But he said, "Oh dear, I am so afraid of rivers. I never cross them. If I get near one, I have attacks of nausea, dizziness, and heart palpitations. Let's wait till winter (the dry season). Then that river will become so shallow we can walk across. But I cannot go now."

His friend said, "You say you'll cross when the river is dry, but this is the Ganges--it never gets dry. You are just being insincere. You don't want to go at all."

The purport is obvious.



Story 37: Safety in Swimming

A very protective mother forbade her son from bathing in the river lest he drown. One day a neighbor said to the woman, "Did you ever stop to think that by your policy of preventing this boy from going to the river you are also preventing him from ever learning that which would really save him if he fell into deep water--namely, the ability to swim?"

Then the boy, who was standing nearby, said to mother: "I want to learn swimming so that I can save myself from drowning. Can you tell me if there is a method of learning to swim without getting into water?"

The mother, seeing her shortsightedness, permitted the boy to go to the river with a swimming instructor.

This story is used to illustrate the half-hearted commitment to God of a materially pious person. Such a person is fearful of falling into hell, thus will strictly follow all sorts of negative religious principles that forbid him to commit sin. But due to a dearth of real devotion, the materially "good" person avoids positive spiritual acts of service to Krsna. Indeed, because service to Krsna requires one to engage his senses in various ways, the materially pious person may decline on the grounds that such engagement may be the cause of falldown (for instance, when asked to help raise funds for a Krsna conscious purpose, he may decline arguing that "Money is the root of all evil"). Thus he is like the mother who in fear of her son's life forbade him from the very activity that would make him able to save his own life.



Story 38: Garbage In, Garbage Out

There was a certain crafty tradesman who was an expert in acquiring goods by shady dealing. He had a real talent for unloading some inferior item on a person and getting in return for it something of real value.

One day he came home with a load of excellent coconuts. He felt himself very clever that day indeed, for he'd gotten them for practically nothing. But there was one little problem—he couldn't open the coconuts without a sharp chopper, and all he had at home was a very old, rusty and dull chopper that was for all practical purposes useless.

He brought it to a blacksmith and asked him to make a new chopper from it. The blacksmith answered that he could make a good chopper only if good quality steel was given to him.

So the tradesman fell back on his typical method of dealing. "Look," he told the blacksmith, "It so happens I'm making a deal with someone that involves an amount of excellent steel. I'll give you a sheet of this steel for free; all I'll want in return is that you make me a new chopper from that steel for free." The blacksmith agreed.

But the "excellent steel" turned out to be third-class quality iron. In any case, the blacksmith accepted the metal--because he could always find some use for it in his business--and made a chopper from it. But when the tradesman tried to open the coconuts with this chopper, he discovered that it was useless. He rush to the blacksmith in a rage and demanded to know why the chopper was no good.

"Sir, be reasonable," the blacksmith said. "Your skill in life is making good deals. For that you require good fools to cheat. My skill in life is making good metal implements. For that I require good metal to beat. What good deal can you hammer out of a poor fool who has nothing to give you? Likewise, what good chopper can I hammer out of poor-quality iron?"



Story 39: Blacksmith and Potter

In the village of Vilaspur lived a blacksmith named Vamacaran. One he went to Haripur to visit a friend who was a potter. He found his friend engaged in the delicate work of hammering a copper pot into the right shape. Vamacaran asked if he could help; his friend said yes, so he took a hammer and smashed the pot flat in one blow.

The moral may be summed up thusly: "Same tool, different technique." Though both blacksmiths and potters use hammers, the way they use them is very different. Similarly, though materialists may think they understand the methodology of devotional service to Krsna, the fact is unless they submissively learn from a qualified devotee the science of bhakti-yoga, their efforts to worship the Lord will be like the blacksmith's efforts to shape a pot with a hammer. An example of a materialistic worshiper is the pancopasaka.



Story 40: Idiot Gardener and Silly Pandit

There was a landlord, who, while strolling through his courtyard, saw his gardener watering the leaves and flowers of the plants, but not the roots, and his pandit stuffing his ears, nose and eyes with food and chanting om karnabhyam svaha, om nasikabhyam svaha, om caksurbham svaha.

This story is to illustrate the foolishness of demigod worshipers.



Story 41: Open the Door to Get Light on Your Floor

When a spoiled young man who was pampered by his parents once overslept in his bolted and shuttered room, his family gathered outside to awaken him. Inside his room it was dark, so he yelled out, "Why are you waking me in the middle of the night? It's time to sleep!"

The family called back, "Night has passed long ago. It's almost mid-day! The sun is shining high in the sky."

The young man replied, "If the sun is so bright, let it shine into this room. Then I'll know it is day."

The family called back, "Open the door to get light on your floor!"

This story is used to answer those who say that only foolish people say God is merciful. God shows no mercy on the world, because it is such a terrible place. But the answer is, the suffering materialists live in darkness by their own refusal to open their lives up to the sun-like mercy of Krsna.



Story 42: How Often will a Shaven-headed Man Visit a Wood-apple Tree?

There was a man who kept his head clean-shaven. When he passed underneath a particular bael (wood-apple) tree, a bael fruit fell on his head. The next day it happened again. Later, when he was walking with some friends and they approached that same tree, he left the group and made a wide circle around the tree, then rejoined his friends on the other side. His friends asked him why he did this, and his answer was, "How often will a shaven-headed man visit a wood-apple tree?

The shaven-headed man represents an intelligent person, who after experiencing the ills of material existence, turns away from it and pursues Krsna consciousness.



Story 43: Sleeping on Bare Ground When the Cot is Broken

As a dowry gift, a man was given a cot, which was actually very cheap and was soon broken. To save face, the man took to sleeping on the bare ground in a pretended mood of renunciation. He also began preaching to all and everyone that a life of comfort and material opulence is illusion; everyone should give up their attachments and practice austerities, as he was doing by sleeping on the bare ground.

This story exemplifies the spirit of false renunciation that arises in the mind of a materialist when he becomes somehow frustrated in his attempt to enjoy sense objects. If it were not for the frustration, he would certainly have continued to enjoy his senses. But barring that, he tries to find satisfaction in advertising himself as a greatly renounced soul. This is just another phase of self-centered materialism. Pure devotees never advertise themselves as renunciates, even though they are perfect in renunciation. Their renunciation is done for Krsna, not for personal considerations.



Story 44: Flying Popcorn Govindaya Namah

Harakanta Cakravati was famous for his Vaisnavism in his rural locale. People would say, "Cakravarti Thakur never accepts any food unless it is offered to the Lord."

Once at a Pous-samkranti festival, Cakravarti bought some popcorn for his wife's lunch. By chance a strong wind came up and blew a quantity of popcorn from the paper bag. It so happened that at this moment some friends of his came by and say the flying popcorn. Feeling a little foolish in front of them, Cakravarti thought he could save his dignity by ceremonially dumping out the rest of the bag and letting all the popcorn fly with the wind. As he did this he chanted, Govindaya Namah.

While speaking with his friends, his son came running up, having been sent by his mother to the festival. "Father, Mum awaits her popcorn," he said to his father in front of everyone. She says that you're a little late with it. Can you give it to me so that I can bring it to her?" In this way Cakravarti's friends learned the truth of the "offering."

Just as the previous story illustrated false renuncation, so this story illustrates false devotion displayed for personal prestige due to frustration of one's plans in sense enjoyment.



Story 45: Spitting Upward

A boy wanted to seize the moon. Though his parents explained that this desire could not be fulfilled, he insisted that it must be fulfilled. They finally brought him to the top of a

high building. Though he stretched his arms out as much as he could, he could still not catch the moon in his grip. Then he started cursing the sky for being too high. "Damn sky! Let go of the moon! Why do you keep it out of my reach? Rascal!" He began spitting into the sky, and of course it all fell back into his own face.

This story is meant to illustrate the folly of criticizing one's own spiritual master. Whatever criticism one may make in foolish self-righteousness, it all flies back in his own face.



Story 46: Cutting Ones' Own Nose to Spoil Another's Journey

In a village lived two persons name Susanta and Krtanta who had for a long time been mischievious towards one another. Once they had been good friends, but somehow or other that friendshipturned to rivalry. Now their relationship centered on one making trouble for the other, back and forth, tit for tat.

Susanta, at last tired of this endless bickering with Krtanta, decided to take a pilgrimage on an auspcious day to Jagannatha Puri. Hearing this, Krtanta grew morose. ""If Susanta leaves here," he thought, "how will I be happy, unable to torment him? And how will I be happy knowing that he is enjoying peace and quite on his pilgrimage? Better I devise a means bywhich he won't leave here. Then I can continue to give him trouble every day."

Knowing that Susanta was a believer in omens, Krtanta decided that he would cut off his own nose and sit in front of Susanta's house on the morning he was to leave. Susanta, seeing the inauspicious sign of a noseless person on the first step ofhis journey would turn around and go back in his house, cancelling his journey for at least some time, if not for good.

Similarly, atheists plot conspiracies against Vaisnavas without regard even to their own appearance in human society. Even if it is obvious to everyone that such a person who hates Vaisnavas is simply a madman, he'll not desist in reinforcing that impression by continually criticizing devotees no matter what.



Story 47: Hellish Pandemonium

A pious brahmana once told a drunkard, "Look, if you continue to drink wine, you are going to go to hell when you depart from this body. This is the statement of the Vedas."

The drunkard replied, "But Suren Babu also takes wine."

The brahmana said, "Well, then he will aslo go to hell."

Drunkard: "Barun Babu also drinks wine."

Brahmana: "Yes, then he'll go to hell too."

Drunkard: "Arun Babu also drinks wine."

Brahmana: "And he too will go to hell. Anybody who drinks wine goes to hell."

Drunkard: "Are there other activities that put one into hell?"

Brahmana: "Certainly. These are lying, stealing, cheating others, having illicit sex--all are hellish activities."

Drunkard: "So what happens to Bhamini, the famous prostitute?"

Brahmana: "Oh, she will go to hell, no doubt."

Drunkard: "And what about any and all other prostitutes in the world?"

Brahmana: "They all go to hell."

Drunkard: "And those men who look for prostitutes on the streetcorner?"

Brahmana: "They will go to hell with the prostitutes."

Drunkard: "Well, then who wouldn't want to go to hell?

Drunkards, loose women and women-hunters--these people are such fun to be with! I can't wait to go to hell myself!"

This story is a good statement about the condition of modern society. It is indeed hellish, but because "everybody is doing it," nobody minds too much if they will be punished by sinful reaction.



Story 48: Doing Sums for Teacher

A landlord had hired a tutor for his son, who was weak in mathematics. The tutor gave the boy lots of sums to do, but the boy would continually whine that the tutor must show him how to add the sums first. The boy was so indulged by his wealthy parents that he could not bear to do anything difficult alone; for any slightly troublesome task he was used to calling in a hireling. The teacher would reply, "No, if I do them, then how will you get any practice?"

When on his lunch break the boy complained to some friends in a voice purposefully loud enough to be heard by the tutor:

"Now just consider this: Father has hired this tutor for 250 rupees a month plus another 250 for food and clothing--500 rupees a month! And inspite of earning so much, that tutor cannot even add these sums. Now I have to do them! What's the use of his being employed at this house?"

This story reveals the mentality of the pseudo-devotee who calculates the material benefit he gets from acts of devotion to the spiritual master. Only when there is a chance for him to enjoy some name, fame, wealth and prestige as a result is he enthusiastic; if it is just "work", he's not. But he should realize that even "work" given by the spiritual master is for his own good, just as the dull work of adding sums is for the good of the student.



Story 49: Golden, Silver and Iron Shackles

There were three young friends who were sons of fathers who were very prominent in government. One was the son of the king, another was the son of the king's minister, and the third was the son of the royal treasurer. This three boys were inseparable.

Now, as young adventuresome men they decided to travel and see the world. They visited a distant kingdom. At the royal palace they discovered that the king, his minister and the royal treasurer were away on some state business, but the beautiful daughters of each were at home. It seemed a natural match: prince fell in love with princess, minister's son with minister's daughter, treasurer's son with treasurer's daughter. So passionate were the mutual emotions of these couples that they decided to marry at once without waiting for parental approval.

When the fathers of the three daughters returned to the palace, they were outraged to find that strange young men had taken up residence with them. The king had these fellows arrested immediately. The daughters fell at their fathers' feet, crying, "But he is my husband! I love him!"

The king investigated and found out the identities of the young men. In defense to their positions, he had the prince chained in the dungeon by a gold shackle, the minister's son chained by a silver shackle and the treasurer's son chained by an iron shackle.

This story illustrates the bondage of the three modes of material nature upon the conditioned souls.

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