By Brahma prabhu – http://www.swami.org/sanga

"The unsuccessful yogi after many years of enjoyment on the planets of the pious is born into a family of righteous people or rich aristocracy. Or he takes his birth in a family of transcendentalists who are great in wisdom. Such a birth is very rare. From that birth he revives his divine consciousness and tries to make further progress toward complete success." (BG: 6. 41-43)

Question:     Your wrote: "To be truthful years ago when I was in a life threatening situation I actually though of this verse (the unsuccessful yogi) and felt some satisfaction that if killed I would attain heaven.

Was this during your prison days in that Muslim country?

Answer:      Dear *****,

That's correct. I felt myself unfit for any type of liberation so I thought of that verse and considered that my future was good regardless. The idea that I appreciated the thought of going to heaven revealed that even though I was a dedicated preacher at the time I still lacked real purity of motivation.

Also, you would think that a person in that situation who had been a practicing brahmachari for 8 years would have the good spiritual sense to be chanting Hare Krishna or trying to think of Krishna. But actually before my fake execution I began thinking of my mother and the anguish she would experience if she found out I was murdered in that far off place. That again revealed my lack of purity as well as the major family attachment for most brahmachari's. (Dear ol Mom)

It may not be easy to think of Krishna at the time of death. Here is a story I would like to add as an addendum.

Twenty years later my wife Lydia and I were in Vrndavana at the home of a 75 year old pandit and astrologer who had spent his entire life in the dham. He had been a friend to Prabhupada and Iskcon and was initiated in his youth by a well known Vaisnava sadhu of his day. A few years previously he had a stroke and his speech was still a bit slurred.

This pandit told us that he knew so many scriptures by heart and throughout his life had faithfully chanted slokas from those scriptures every morning. Previously he had thought that when the time came he would face death chanting those slokas and thus in the end be carried away to Goloka.

He then laughed and said that during his stroke he could not even think of one of those numerous slokas that he had planned to chant in the face of death. At that time his mind became blank and he could not think of scripture, or anything relating to God. When he was finally again able to think clearly the first thing that came to his mind was his loving family.

The scriptures talk so much about family attachment. Gita tells us that what we think about at the time of death will determine our next birth. In the case of Ajamila his attachment to calling the name of his son, "Narayana" saved him from cruel death. My dear mothers first name happens to be "Clover". Remembering her name at death will likely cause my birth as a tiny plant among the grass in someone's lawn.

It may not be easy to think of Krishna at the time of death! We will likely need to be actually "Attached In Love" to Krishna in order to do so.

Hari Bol,
Brahma